Feeling Blue & Homesick II

Before I rattle, I'll like to thank those friends (especially Emily, Yuan-Ting, Teck Loon, Yiming, Jin Ro, Chee Siong & Suling) who listened to me for the past few days over phone and MSN. Without you people listening to my woes, I guess I would have just collapse. Thank you so much.

Anyway, I finally bath in the bathroom in my apartment this evening! That's quite an achievement, given that the initial condition of the bathroom is far worse than the condition of the dirtiest coffeshop toilets that I have seen! The toilet bowl is literally brown in colour...my gosh. I should thank my dad for doing some initial washing of it to make it look better; it's much cleaner now and yah, people in my apartment are making some effort in maintaining it. But I doubt it'll be kept that way for long, given everyone's busy schedule.

Although I have my own room now and enjoy the privacy that I wanted, it's not as rosy as I thought. Back in exchange when I had a room mate while staying in the UG Hall, though I lost the privacy, I have at least someone to talk to deep in the night when we are rushing assignments and when it's freezing outside. In addition, the toilets and common area were well maintained by the staffs. What's more, we are paying only HK$4000 for 1 semester. That's far cheaper than the HK$2665 that I am paying a month! The rooms in the UG Hall also has a large fan in the middle of the room, which helps to ventilate the room and keep you cool during summer. Over here, such fan is absent and we have to resort to turning on the air-con during summer (I presume it'll be hell hot during summer in the room, without a fan!). The fan can also in a way, helps me to accelerate the drying of my washed clothes. And of course, the bathrooms and common areas are not maintained in the apartment.

So how am I now? Still lonely, home-sick, sucky, down etc. Though Daniel and Yuin Yee (fellow NUS friends who went on exchange with me), and I have some character difference and our friendship remains just cordial, they are afterall Singaporeans! It's like if I have a sucky day, I know at least that at the end of the day, they are there to dine with me and we will "complain" to one another on our "plight". I kinda missed those Mondays and Wednesdays in which they actually waited for me most of the time for dinner when my lesson ends at 7.30pm. Not to forget, those HK friends whom I gotta know in day 1, who were such great companions during class and leisure time. Alas, they have graduated and move on with life. Even if we meet up for meals, it'll me like me catching up with my old Singapore friends; it's a different feeling, you see. Now I am here, surrounded by mainland chinese who communicates in mandarin and canto students who refuse to speak in English. Sigh.

Went on holdiay with my parents for a while last week and I marvelled at the pace that Shenzhen and Guangzhou develop. I went to Shenzhen once in Dec 2004 and a couple of times during my exchange stint from Sep 2005 - Dec 2005. Its most obvious development is in its metro, from none in 2004 to currently 2 lines running. It's expanding rapidly now! Of course, building sprung up everywhere and it's amazing that so much has changed for the past 2 years! Same goes for Guangzhou. I went there once in Feb 1999, Dec 2004 and a couple of times during my exchange stint from Sep 2005 - Dec 2005. It grew from a city without metro to one with 4 lines running now! It intends to expand to 8 lines in 2010, just in time for the Asian Game 2010. In addition,buildings also sprung up everywhere and the most telling sign is in its GDP of >US$10000, the only city in China to have reached such figure. Even Shanghai and Shenzhen were pale in comparison.

Project X will be completed soon and I look forward to see it!

I intend to write an article sharing my experience in teaching pericyclic reactions. Given my current state, in which I "lost" my skill in chemistry, to present, to socialize, I wonder whether it's still possible. My past seem so distant. Sometimes, I don't know how to face people who knows me, for I know they'll be disappointed when they know the state that I am in. Jin Ro and Joawen wrote beautiful descriptions of me before I left; I showed it to Shihui (a senior in Prof Hor's group) and she said that to earn such descriptions means you have really command a lot of respect from them. Thinking back, I feel ashame of those remarks. Apparently, I have lost that feeling for Chemistry, I don't know why. It's the same scary feelings I got after I ORDed from NS. The only difference is, after I ORDed, I was full of enthusiam in entering NUS. Now I am like "living day by day". Hopefully, things will get better when term starts.

In retrospect, one of the reasons why I am having such feelings is perhaps I left Singapore with a heavy heart, with many unfinished business. Perhaps, I left too quickly; I should have just stayed till yesterday and things might be better? Well, no one knows. But one thing is for sure, I am feeling blue now.